Popping back into this blog after a hiatus; I needed some time for relaxing and vacation after a few overwhelmingly overscheduled months!
A couple of days ago, talking with my mom (a retired Montessori education guru), we discussed some behavioral strategies that I could suggest to the parent of a current young client. Mom said, “You know, Melanie, the word NO is a complete sentence.” Very helpful for this child who can benefit greatly from stronger boundaries, but, WOW, looking at that in other contexts, this was a multi-layered revelation!
Let’s look at “NO” in different ways and see the power of it as a complete sentence.
For our physical Being: “NO” can be a block where boundaries are needed. Obviously, in the context of physically blocking unwanted contact from others, but what about saying “NO” when we are physically reaching out for a treat that isn’t serving our health goals (yup, my old standard “mom’s butter cookies” example!). Or blocking someone who is encroaching physically to exert dominance (like how my son pushes the dog off of my lap so he can curl up on me). Or giving ourselves a hard “NO” when moving toward an activity that may not be beneficial (like when I skip a cool down to save time after a workout, then sit at the computer to answer e-mails that really could wait another few minutes). Or, alternately, saying “NO” to someone’s requests for help when they really could do it themselves (like my nephew wanting my sister to make him lunch when she is exhausted and relaxing on the couch, and he is perfectly capable of doing it independently). Take a look at your physical realm. Where can you use the power of a good hard “NO”?
For our emotional Being: I think this is the easiest one to recognize, and the hardest to implement. There are many people in our lives that ask more of us than we can and should give. This can be toxic family members, friends, or even acquaintances or strangers who just don’t realize how overextended we really are. Recently I signed up my son for a Bible School, and the volunteers there were in obvious need of extra help, thus really pushing the requests for volunteering. Honestly, I can’t think of a cause that I want to help more. But I also can’t think of a worse time to add ONE MORE THING to my list of obligations, however worthy they are. Instead of jumping into the time intensive role I would normally take on, I asked if there was something else that I could do that would be helpful yet much less consuming of my time. Then I said NO to some other requests (like squeezing in a new client who was happy to wait an extra day for her consultation, and a haircut that could wait another week, and a project that’s on my wish list but really shouldn’t be on my To-Do list right now) and I volunteered for a smaller role in the school. Where can you see the need for an emotional hard NO? Can you block a toxic relationship? Refuse to engage in an emotionally draining task? Stop engaging in a dialogue/ conversation/back-and-forth with someone that isn’t worth your time? Create a boundary to keep out unhealthy influences on your emotional health? What about turning off negative self-talk? Stopping the internal dialogue that brings you down? Where can you cut old beliefs or say NO to emotional responses to old memories or thoughts?
For our spiritual Being: Identify what needs to change in order to nourish your spirit. For me, the outside world is rife with influences that attempt to pull me away from Faith. There is such a culture of indulgence, materialism, instant gratification, and self-centered-ness; it appears that I should put myself always above others, that I “deserve” to treat myself all the time, that I shouldn’t have to work or try, that I am a victim of the world, that I am entitled to so much more. For these things that attempt to turn my eyes and heart away from my Lord, I offer a hard NO and immerse myself further into my faith. What is keeping you from filling your spirit? From leading a fulfilling life? From self-actualization? From reaching a higher potential? From nourishing your Higher Self? Take the power of NO to move yourself upward.
Reflect on your Self and identify where you can benefit from a NO this week. And, as always, if you need an outside perspective to help, I’m right here for you! Reach out!
Blessings,
Melanie
